Teenager 101. This is war.

What in THE hell is wrong with my teenagers? One believes that everything from the pudding cups in the refrigerator to the TV in the living room is hers only. The other grumbles one word answers like a pissed off Brian Urlacher to the media. Actually, there is nothing wrong with them. Their behavior comes right out of the teenager handbook.

To quote a friend who is on the top side of the whole teen thing, (oldest is now around 19-20) "They are the worst things on the planet." Well I guess that suicide bombers, drunk drivers, child rapists, Wisconsin drivers and Nancy Pelosi probably classify as actually being worse. But they don't live in my house, and thus are not subjected to our rules. But, having been a teenager once myself, I can attest that is a very stressful part of ones childhood. But when does a rude, disrespectful outburst become acceptable behavior? And the old saying "pick your battles" is a little hard to follow when the battles start coming fast and furious like blobs of paint coming out of a paint-ball gun. You see, everything is our fault. These aren't just mere battles of wits. No this is all out war.

When they refuse to/can't get out of bed in morning and make the bus, it's all our fault. (Hey, remember that alarm clock we bought you? Try using it.) When we won't buy that pair of jeans they just gotta have, it's all our fault. (Excuse me but we just bought you a pair last week, you didn't tell me then that they didn't fit right.) When we won't allow them to take their savings out of the bank to buy the newest video game, it's all our fault. (There is no future to teens, it is all in the NOW.) When we get on them to do some work around the house, forcing them to stay up late and do their homework, you guessed it, it's all our fault. (The years of servitude are now over. Gotta walk on your own now kid.) At some point, their life of childhood becomes one of entitlement. They figure that they have paid their dues already and now they are due something. Respect? Independence? I don't even think they know. It's almost like the loving child you raised from a seed goes into some cocoon where they hopefully emerge as that beautiful butterfly. Making smart decisions, talking respectfully to us, you know, acting like a human being. It's the time spent inside the cocoon that drives us to the brink.

Okay I can hear most of you already. There are far worse things teenagers can get into. Drugs, gangs, sex, murder, I read about it every day. They really are good kids. I thank God all the time that they are spared the brutality that some kids have to go through just to make it to their teen years. And for those of you with young kids, don't believe that you can avoid the coming war. It's out there, and it's coming to a theater near you. Now if only I could get Obama to send ME a "surge" in troops, I might get a handle on this thing before my oldest comes home with a ring in his nose, a gang tattoo on his butt, and drops out of high school to marry his pregnant girlfriend.