Newsflash: Tell us something we don't already know.

Let's see, what to write about today? Sometimes I sit at the keypad and just start typing until something comes out that doesn't smell like my sons socks after basketball practice. Other days, something appears in the newspaper to get my juices flowing. Like today. Ever read these studies that appear practically daily and wonder how someone would even think to come up with that? Like, "Frozen ostrich testicles make you smarter." Or the ones that seem to be so obvious you have to wonder why they wasted money on that. Like, "Newsflash: People are happier on weekends." I made up the first one, that second one is real.

Seriously, where does the money come from to pay some so-called expert to tell us the painfully obvious truth? Hey professor, ever heard the term TGIF? Working, not so much fun. Not-working, a little more fun. Hence, having more fun = being happier. Now had the study said, "4 out of 5 dentists say they are happier at work while drilling a hole into someones mouth," I would sit up and say, "Wow, I wish I had become a dentist." But telling us we are feeling a little better about ourselves as we are cracking open a beer while watching football as opposed to sitting at a desk while your boss yells at you isn't worth the price of admission.

Take a peek at the top studies this week. "Men get bigger economic boost from marriage." Hmmm, a two income household being an economic boost over a household of one. Who woulda thunk it. Sounds like it may have been funded by The National Institute of Marriage. And this one, "Men pick up on female scent." A bunch of dudes were given shirts to smell that had been worn by females for 3 days without washing, (a little gamy maybe?) and their testosterone levels went up. This one goes back to the caveman days. Its a basic concept in the animal kingdom. Female emits smell, male gets turned on, offspring emerge sometime later. Got that one on the Discovery Channel. Or how about this one, "War takes toll on Army wives." Women with soldier husbands that are deployed in war zones have a depression rate that is higher than those with husbands that did not go to war. So lets see. You're at home alone with the kids, you've probably moved around a few times, the army pay your husband sends home every month is barely putting food on the table, let alone that XBOX game the 10 year old has just gotta have or he won't eat his vegetables, and to top it off, really nasty bad guys who would rather strap explosives on their body than give you the time of day are trying to kill your husband. Now why in the world would they be stressed out?

Seriously, how do I get one of those jobs? My first study would be to figure out how marriages can exist when one spouse squeezes the toothpaste from the middle, while the other one takes the time to carefully squeeze every last drop from the end. Or better yet, how every time we have an election, the same tired promises are regurgitated over and over and over by the talking heads, and the lemmings, I mean voters, fall for it like its the first time they ever heard it. "Oh, but I think THIS guy really means it." I guess the so-called experts feel the need to prove their worth once in a while. Here's the one I really want to see, "Researchers paid to tell us the obvious: study. A recent study shows that most studies are useless and don't tell us anything we don't know." Now THAT one would be worth every penny.