One bad day, one list of dreams.

God I hate today. Newspaper full of bad news, it's the last day of the holiday season, but it's the fact that it's the last Bears game of the 2009 season that brands the reality of no football for 9 months into my brain that has me feeling the blues. Oh sure, there will be football in the coming weeks. No doubt some exciting, highlight reel, cringe inducing, helmet slamming, smash mouth games will be played out. But without the Bears, who really cares.

Who do I root for today? If the Bears win against the perennially hapless Detroit Lions, it won't change a thing. Or will it? Several columnists seem to think Lovie Smiths future could possibly ride on this game. After 3 seasons of futility, how could a win over the worst team of the decade have any bearing? But this is how the Chicago Bears brain trust operates. I don't even have the energy to work up an argument. But it's not just the Bad News Bears that have me down. Here's hoping that we wake up Monday morning to the following headlines:

Entire Bears Coaching Staff and Upper Management Fired by Virginia McCaskey
In a bold and unprecedented move, General Manager Jerry Angelo, Team President Ted Phillips, and Head Coach Lovie Smith along with his staff have been shown the door by team matriarch Virginia McCaskey. Quote, "That emotionless jellyfish of a manager and absolutely clueless GM and President I have employed all these years have not only been relieved of their duties, but as a matter of respect to the fans have refused any payment on the remainder of their contracts. Can someone get me Bill Cowhers phone number?"

Released Gitmo Terrorists Recaptured
One time Guantanamo prisoners Said Ali al-Shihri and Ibrahim Suleiman al-Rubaish, who were believed to have had a hand in the failed Christmas day bombing of a Detroit bound jetliner, have been recaptured in Yemen. The US had staged a covert operation with Navy SEALS and brought the suspects back into US custody. President Obama said of the op, "I am getting tired of the US looking so weak in the eyes of the world. We should have never let these a-holes out in the first place."

Flying Car That Runs on Water Unveiled
Inventor H. Humphrey Middlebottom has taken the lid off his newest invention, a flying car that not only runs on water, but is completely controlled by the operators brainwaves. Mr Middlebottom says of his remarkable achievement, "Well it is the future now after all. I just felt I owed it to the world to bring the "Jetsons" to the present." In related news, the CEO's of BP, Mobil, and Shell were found dead of apparent suicides, each leaving their entire net worth to the country to pay off the national debt.

Charges Dropped Against Accused Navy SEALS
The 3 Navy Seals charged with punching a detained really nasty bad guy who was behind the infamous Fallujah Massacre have been cleared. US prosecutors woke up one day and realized that the charges were heinous, and these guys were "just doing their job." Meanwhile, the really nasty bad guy was transferred to a tent near the rose garden at the White House, and President Obama has invited the 3 Navy SEALS to sit down with him and the RNBG and have a beer.

Hillary Clinton To Leave Public Office
In a stunning move, Secretary of State and onetime presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton has decided to leave politics. "I just felt that the bulk of the US population is sick and tired of hearing the name Clinton. And I am advising Chelsea to pursue a career in fashion."

One can dream, no?