Butterflies are free to fly, just stay out of my stomach.

Why do people get nervous? Is it some underlying feeling of impending failure? Failure to ourselves? Meaning: I couldn't do it, ergo I suck. Or failure in the eyes of others? Meaning: he couldn't do it, ergo he sucks.

Remember that first time you had to stand up in front of your classmates and deliver some hastily written convincing argument that you weren't quite sure convinced even yourself? Ok, I don't remember the actual "first" time, but more of a collective memory of every time I had to give a speech in class. And maybe you were one of the sickos who actually relished in the moment. But not me. I hated it. But why was I nervous back then? I guess I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of the unforgiving eyes and ears of my classmates. And then the speech is over, I get a B, and nobody is making fun of me until summer vacation.

Fast forward 15 years. I'm at college, my first actual band is forming, and we have a gig. It first started a few days before, that queasy feeling deep down in your gut. Was it something I ate? I ask myself. No, I know this feeling, I'm nervous. The morning of the gig. Didn't sleep. Can't eat. Can't remember the chord change to Louie Louie. (We actually played a Toga party for my frat and learned most of the music from the Animal House soundtrack) Now its a few hours away and I can't get off the toilet. Gonna hurl? Want to but can't. Can't wait for it to be over. Why am I doing this to myself? You love it, remember? So again, why am I nervous? I guess I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of the unforgiving eyes and ears of my frat brothers and their girlfriends. In the end, we played good, and everyone was so drunk they probably wouldn't remember the party itself let alone a missed chord. Today I can play in front of 200 people and not feel a thing.

Fast forward to yesterday. I wake up, and I have the butterflies again. Eat some eggs and a bagel, and I feel like I am going to hurl. Why the hell am I nervous? Oh yeah, soccer game. Every spring and fall on the day of the first game I feel nervous. No, I don't play for some over 40 men's recreational league, I coach my daughters soccer team. Doing the quick math in my head, this is probably the 45th to 50th team of my kids' I have coached in soccer, basketball, baseball, softball, and football, from kindergarten through 8th grade. And I am still getting nervous. Why? I guess I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of the unforgiving eyes and ears of my players parents. In the end we won the game 7-0 or something, we're not supposed to keep score. But I am finally realizing something after all these years. The only person who ever cared was me.

What am I trying to say? Don't be afraid of failure, because in the end, it's all just perception. You never fail for trying, you only fail when you don't even try. The Guitarman getting serious. Doesn't that make you nervous?