OK how many times have you been in the car when some idiot does something to piss you off? If you said never, then you either a) don't drive, or b) are a nun. According to Arbitron’s National In-Car Study, did you know that the average person spends nearly 3 hours a day in a car? Thats a football game. Or three episodes of Survivorman. With commercials. Enough to drive the average edgy American driver insane. So have you ever thought to yourself, "...gee, I wonder how many things actually piss me off on the road?" As The Guitarman refused for 21 years to take the train to the city, he developed a love-hate relationship with the highways and his fellow drivers. Loved the time it saved me, hated the other drivers. So, in no particular order, have any of you ever been pissed off at:
The guy that won't let you pass. (and to save time, space, and angry responses from any offended persons, "the guy" will officially refer to both men and women, black or white, of any nationality or sexual gender) The guy in the left turn lane that stays behind the white line after the light turns green. The guy in the right turn lane that won't turn right on red. The guy that merges from the left lane to the right at an intersection with no right turn lane thus depriving you of your ability to turn right on red. The guy who speeds up in the parking lot when you are backing out of your space. The guy who actually STOPS on the entrance ramp to the highway. The guy who actually STOPS on the highway to let someone on the entrance ramp merge. The guy who's speed goes from 10 under the limit to 10 over the limit and back again because he is texting on his cellphone. The guy from Wisconsin. The guy from Illinois with a Packers license plate holder. The guy in the left lane doing 1 mph under the speed limit. The guy that changes lanes right in front of you and then slows down. The guy that changes lanes just before the intersection at a red light just to be the first one and then drives like Mr. Magoo when the light changes green. The guy two cars in front of you who throws a McDonalds cup out the window then jumps the curb while trying to get YOUR license plate number for telling him he is a litterbug. The guy on the country road doing less than the speed limit with 10 cars behind him waiting to pass who miraculously speeds up when you finally get the dotted yellow line. The guy from Wisconsin. The guy who hits his brakes on the highway because he doesn't like how close you are. The guy who blocks both lanes when two lanes merge even though he is STILL A FREAKIN MILE from the actual spot where you merge. The guy who has no idea that the oil filled emissions from his car are contributing 12% to destroying the ozone. The guy in the Mercedes. The guy in the Mercedes from Wisconsin. The guy coming at you with no clue that his bright lights are on. The guy who rides your bumber on the highway indicating you are driving too slow, forcing you to get out of his way, only to watch him pass you on the left, change lanes in front of you, and then slow down again, forcing you to get back in the left lane and pass him, thus allowing him to get behind you once again and start the whole bloody mess over again.
Have I left anything out? Oh yeah, the guy who complains about EVERYTHING. He pisses me off too.
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