Heaven sent: Chocolate covered joints.

You ever have one of those moments when you had an idea that something was bad for you, only to give in do it anyway? And for the most foolhardy among us, "one of those moments" actually means "every waking hour of my conscious being." Smokers come to mind. And drinkers. And of course those of us who refuse to bubble wrap ourselves in our own protective cocoon from all of the true evils in the world as we ride along on our two wheeled vehicles of choice. But that's not really want I want to talk about today. Do any of us really pay attention to the studies that are done for the common good of man? And lest you think The Guitarman is making this stuff up, I will post a link for you non-believers:

Chocolate: Ahh, the sweet elixir of life. Show me a person who hates chocolate, and I will show you a rotten commy bastard. So it should be of massive relief to those of us with the cocoa bean running through our veins that yes indeed, chocolate can make you thin. According to the study, people who consume the golden standard of confection are, on average, thinner than people who don't. And when I read this next part, I almost fainted: "The study found no link with quantity consumed." Saints be praised! So for dinner tonight, I think we will have a main course of chocolate, with a little chocolate dipping sauce on the side, with some finely ground chocolate sprinkles on top. All washed down with a glass of chocolate milk. Reservations anyone?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-17511011

North Dakota: Nestled comfortably in the northern reaches of our great country, a recent study suggests that this illustrious state that has brought us such cultural gems as "Fargo", and, well, "Fargo", is on the brink of becoming Saudi Arabia. Recent developments in North Dakota, such as forbidding woman to drive, or vote, or leave their home without a male escort, along with a couple of be-headings for career criminals that jaywalked at a busy intersection, have thrust our northerly neighbor into the national spotlight. Not to mention the governor channeling all of his states income into his own personal coffers. But of course I am kidding. But the study does offer that if we were to start drilling for oil there, "the new Bakken oil fields spanning the Montana-North Dakota border hold the potential for yielding 24 billion barrels -- double the present US proved reserves!" But I understand. This country would rather be held slave to another that suppresses human rights and enriches it's leaders, than to forge ahead on our own. What does it matter? In another 50 years all of the worlds oil will be gone, and we will all be humming along on electric scooters with our little helmets and knee pads.

http://www.adr-intl.com/Bakken_Potential_Impact.pdf

Pot: I can't begin to touch the surface of this hot potato. To date, there have been somewhere in the neighborhood of 20,000 studies on marijuana. It has been illegal since 1937, and since 1970 has held the distinct classification as a Schedule 1 substance, putting it in the same category as heroin. Heroin. Coke and meth, massively addictive drugs that have ruined countless lives are classified as Schedule 2, less of a threat than pot in the eyes of the government. Know any potheads? The word "harmless" comes to mind. Ever hear of Whitney Houston? Died from heart failure due to cocaine use. I think it's time for a wake up call here. "The scientific conclusions of the overwhelmingly majority of modern research directly conflicts with the federal government's stance that cannabis is a highly dangerous substance worthy of absolute criminalization." And then the article goes on to say that not only do the medical benefits outweigh any potential negative aspects of the drug, but should actually be a "first line treatment" for many maladies. So why the full court press to keep this wonder drug of nature out of our bodies? Fear. Fear by our leaders for their own political skin. Fear that if they back this contentious issue they will be thrown out on their ears. Isn't there a single politician in Washington willing to look at the common sense facts, and make a common sense decision? We all know the answer is a resounding no. Wimps.

http://norml.org/component/zoo/category/recent-research-on-medical-marijuana

Alcohol: Headline of this study, "Drinking Alcohol Makes Young Adults Act Stupid." Do I really need to say anything more?

http://www.momlogic.com/2010/01/painfully_obvious_15_useless_studies.php#drinking_alcohol_makes_young_adults_act_stupid

The Last Kiss Goodnight

It was quite a long time ago, many years before they became Brooding Young Teens 1 and 2. Which of course was predated by impish adolescence, which followed screaming brats, cute toddlers, and cuddly newborns.

The kids are all grown now, one off to college in the fall, the other winding her way through high school. And when I say all grown, I mean they aren't yet adults, but way past the point when I could pick them up, put 'em on my shoulders, give them piggy backs up the stairs, or even get an old fashioned hug. We are rolling with it of course, the endless financial aid forms, trips to the mall to just hang out, BDubs binging, snowboarding, tattoo parlors, garage door opening at 2am, and so on. Eh, like I said, we are rolling with it. Life goes on, ya know? But as I look back, I realize that I missed out on cherishing something that at the time I had no idea was happening. The last kiss goodnight.

If you knew that tomorrow, your young child was finally at that age where giving mom and dad a kiss on the lips was just, ewww, wouldn't you hug a little longer? Give them that extra pat on the head with a peck on the forehead? Made sure they heard you when you told them how much you loved them? But we never know when those moments are upon us. One minute, they are holding your hand, and in the next, they are taking the car keys. But if only I could have like 5 minutes with the 7 year old version of them one more time.

So many little things you take for granted when they are babes. The last bath you give them before they insisted that you weren't allowed to see them naked anymore. The last time you fed them before they yanked that fork out of your hand. The last time you tied their shoes. Or got them dressed. The last time you got to say how their hair would be cut, but still felt a twinge of re-assurance when they had you tell the barber. The last time you helped them with their homework, before you realized they know more than you. Ok, that one comes later, but another moment, none-the-less, when your child has taken another step towards their own independence. And at the time you had no idea.

Some of these moments, I admit, are of the Phew! variety. Was happy not giving them baths anymore, equally so when they could eat on their own. Relieved when I didn't have to drive BYT#1 to and fro when he got his drivers license. Still doing the rounds with BYT#2, but she turns 16 in a couple of months. Not sure that one is going to be a Phew! or a Yikes!, but we will roll with it. But the last kiss goodnight? God I wish I could have that one back.

The old coin toss: you can do better.

Growing old has it's advantages. I am perpetually amazed that as the big Five-Oh is slowly creeping up on me, gray hair has still eluded my head. I recently grew a full beard for the winter, and an old friend from school asked how on Gods green Earth did I not have any gray. Clean living. Ahem. But the advantages of which I elude to are more in line with the impeccable wisdom one acquires as they reach the end of their time. Am I the next Dhalai Lama? Ghandi? More like Benny Hill. But if there is one thing The Guitarman has learned while tapping away at the keypad over the years, it's this: bore your audience once too often, and they cease to be your audience. So, a pre-apology is in order as tomorrow is election day in Illinois, and well, I can't help myself.

Rick Santorum: What is it about this guy that tells us he has any business running for president? Declaring Satan has set his sights on America, in 2008 he said at the time of Obama's position on abortion, “This is not a political war at all, this is not a culture war at all, this is a spiritual war.” Wrong, wrong, and wrong again. The man sitting at the big desk at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. must be able to work with his fellow politicians, he must be able to bridge the divide of the many different cultures in this country, and he must not be a polarizing right wing-nut intent on dragging the country in a religious debate. So please fellow Illinoisans and all you others yet to vote, take a pass on a man who wants to run this country from his heart, not his head.

State Rep. Derrick Smith: Nothing to see here folks, move along, move along. That's what US Rep Danny Davis wants you all to do. It's just another Chicago politician busted for taking a bribe, no big deal. Happens every day. Only it happened last week. While Smith is running for election. It's one thing to be an incumbent fat cat sitting back and holding sway over all of your domain. It's another to actually campaign on that. "Vote for me and I will bribe your district into glory!" But the worst part? Davis and his posse of alderman admit that being secretly recorded while allegedly accepting a $7,000 bribe is in fact "bad". There not even arguing the point. They want you to vote for Smith because he is NOT that most vile of politicians, a Republican. I am going to place a bet: Smith wins by a landslide.

The Duggars: I am not a big fan of most reality television. I can watch a few episodes of Bath Crashers, Room Crashers, Yard Crashers, Survivorman, Man vs. Wild, Wife Swap, Buried Alive, I shouldn't be Alive, The Voice and, wait, what was I saying? Can't remember. But one show I have never watched is 19 and Counting. You know, that deeply Christian family that keeps having kids because 1) the parents won't stop having sex, and 2) they won't use anything to prevent a pregnancy, and 3) they are challenging that family from Monty Python's Meaning of Life for most kids by a set of parents. Why do I bring them up? They are stumping in Illinois for the fore-mentioned Santorum. Really. Yea, that's what Chicagoan's want to hear. We are in massive debt, we can't afford to keep our homes, we are out of work, we still can't carry a handgun on the street in Illinois, businesses are leaving the state, BUT we will all be saved if we elect this truly righteous man to the presidency. Sign me up.

Judges: I admit, I couldn't name one judge running for election in my district if you asked me now. But ask me tomorrow and I will give you a few names. Only because I believe that the mostly overlooked races for judicial seats are more important than any other names on the ballot. Everyone knows who is running for president, most people will recognize the name of their State Rep's, but nobody has a clue who these people in robes are. And that's a shame, because if there is one person running for office that can have a direct impact on someone elses life, it's the guy, or gal, sitting across from you in a courtroom. And nothing can ruin a person's life faster than a bad judge with a vendetta. So join me tonight in doing a little homework. Get to know those names you gloss over on a ballot before you decide. And you really don't have to do much work. There are endless amounts of groups that vet the candidates and rate them so you don't have to. Here is a good place to start: http://www.isba.org/judicialevaluations

One last thing, GO VOTE!! We can't get anything done in this country if you don't vote, and you don't care. We now return to our scheduled nonsense. Next week: how to turn rutabaga into diesel fuel.

1, 2, 3, 4, should I add just one more?

Had a gig Saturday night. It went OK by my standards. Actually, a little to the low end of the OK side. Missed a few chord changes, muffed a harmony or two. Had one good moment there for about 20 seconds when I hit that feeling like you're not really playing, you're watching your fingers move but you're not controlling them. Sort of an "out of body" experience? Maybe that's a bit too melodramatic. But all in all, a sub par night. But you'll have to excuse me one bad night, I did have to learn 21 songs in about 10 days with one practice backing up a singer that I met an hour before the gig. Oh yea, and did I mention that this is my 4th band?

See, up until now, I bet you thought "The Guitarman" was some mighty honor I had bestowed upon myself, not knowing if I was a guy who sat around in my underwear strumming some beat up hand-me-down with 5 strings, or indeed a true lunatic who can't seem to find enough things to clog up his time with, touring the dredges of northern Illinois every other weekend in some vain attempt to achieve musical notoriety. Of the latter I am guilty, to the point of insanity.

Stayin' Late, my main band if you will (and I only concede that because we have been together the longest...6, 7 years?), gets regular gigs, we have a blast playing, we make decent money, we all get along, no egos, no expectations, we just mesh together well. I wanted to play out more, ergo make more money, so I joined a great bunch of guys in Axe. We are tight, have a great guitar player Ron, and again have a lot of fun. One Friday morning I get a call from a bar owner desperate for a band for the next night. Stayin' Late guys are busy, Axe didn't have enough tunes yet, so 3 phone calls later, Mule Train was born. Without a practice, we jammed hard and rocked the joint full of bikers at a birthday party. Bar owner loved us, and the band lives on. And finally, a good friend offered me a chance to be a part of a new band that is up and coming, and hopes to make a big splash on the bigger stages. Great lead singer, solid group of musicians, Sinners and Saints has a chance to really take off.

But, running diatribe on my life aside, I beg the question to you, the loyal reader. Am I insane? I mean, as a guitar player and a singer, I believe a lifetimes pursuit of becoming an entertainer should be more than just a hobby. If I can make a few bucks to actually call it a second "job", does it justify all the lugging of equipment, the weekend nights out 'til 1 or 2, driving to hell and gone for a gig? But 4 bands? It really isn't as bad as it sounds, though. Stayin' Late might practice before a gig. Mule Train will play its second gig this week without having a practice yet. Axe has, for the most part, got it's set list down and needn't go every week. Sinner and Saints is new and I need to put the time in until we get tighter. So it's not like I am out every day of the week. But I really need to know. Am I insane? I mean really, am I?

Is it time for a mid life crisis yet?

Ahhh, the weekend. No work, no driving, all rock and roll and booze and parties and movies and skating and knitting clubs and...you get the drift. It's when we can be "me" and not "that guy that looks like me but trudges to and fro to bring home the scraps of bacon." Had a friend ask me to go out with him to see Michael Schenker, he of the UFO fame, on Thursday night. I graciously bowed out citing monetary concerns, and in actuality was thinking, but it's not the weekend yet. I know, lame. I really didn't want to plop down the $30, and my Friday night was going to be huge, so I didn't need some crazy Thursday night shenanigans messing up my weekend.

So there I found myself, bottle of wine, remote control, flipping between the Bulls and the Blackhawks, you know, partying hard. It was only when I awoke at approximately 12:30 that I realized I had no memory whatsoever of the second half and/or third period of said games. Yes, looking forward all week to my Friday night, and I was out cold by 7:30.

Now sometimes, I find lately that as the sandman robs me of my Friday night, I will wake back up, and watch some movie that I have seen 10 times before, in a vain attempt to reclaim my lost evening. But last night, I gave in, and went to bed. Hence at 4:45, as I tossed and turned trying unsuccessfully to fall back asleep, I did the math, and figured I had been asleep for nearly 9 hours. What self respecting 48 year old actually sleeps for 9 hours? I tried for a little early morning nookie with the wife, but apparently "5am" and "nookie" are teenage folly. So I got up.

Whew! All that partying takes the wind out of your sails, right? Not like in my carefree youth when wrapping up an all night session of D & D (Dungeons and Dragons for all you non-nerds) at 4:00 or so. Followed by a trip to Denny's for some steak and eggs or the like. Yea we partied like rock stars and we knew it. But seriously, somewhere between college and waking up one morning to find that you're the dad of two brooding young teens, what the hell happened? Please don't say it to my face, but yes, I have become my parents. The old folks who stay in on the weekend.

OK, truth or dare? Truth. I manage to keep somewhat active playing in, at last count, the vestiges of 4 bands. At some point over the summer, I will no doubt have a busy schedule of playing nearly every weekend, bringing home a few bucks so that it actually qualifies as my second job. I'll be, for at least a fleeting moment, the Rawk Gawd I had always dreamed of being, staying up until 1 or 2. And it is at that moment of the night, when you're packing in your gear, and the last vestiges of your friends are sucking down the last beer of the night you realize one sobering thought: these peeps came out to have fun, party to some rock and roll, and get hammered. How do they do it? If not for the band, I would be asleep on the couch, remote falling from my hand to the floor, slight drizzle of drool dripping from the corner of my mouth. Well, I guess there is always Saturday night. Now all I need is a couple of Red Bulls and some Viagra and I'm golden.