The old coin toss: you can do better.

Growing old has it's advantages. I am perpetually amazed that as the big Five-Oh is slowly creeping up on me, gray hair has still eluded my head. I recently grew a full beard for the winter, and an old friend from school asked how on Gods green Earth did I not have any gray. Clean living. Ahem. But the advantages of which I elude to are more in line with the impeccable wisdom one acquires as they reach the end of their time. Am I the next Dhalai Lama? Ghandi? More like Benny Hill. But if there is one thing The Guitarman has learned while tapping away at the keypad over the years, it's this: bore your audience once too often, and they cease to be your audience. So, a pre-apology is in order as tomorrow is election day in Illinois, and well, I can't help myself.

Rick Santorum: What is it about this guy that tells us he has any business running for president? Declaring Satan has set his sights on America, in 2008 he said at the time of Obama's position on abortion, “This is not a political war at all, this is not a culture war at all, this is a spiritual war.” Wrong, wrong, and wrong again. The man sitting at the big desk at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. must be able to work with his fellow politicians, he must be able to bridge the divide of the many different cultures in this country, and he must not be a polarizing right wing-nut intent on dragging the country in a religious debate. So please fellow Illinoisans and all you others yet to vote, take a pass on a man who wants to run this country from his heart, not his head.

State Rep. Derrick Smith: Nothing to see here folks, move along, move along. That's what US Rep Danny Davis wants you all to do. It's just another Chicago politician busted for taking a bribe, no big deal. Happens every day. Only it happened last week. While Smith is running for election. It's one thing to be an incumbent fat cat sitting back and holding sway over all of your domain. It's another to actually campaign on that. "Vote for me and I will bribe your district into glory!" But the worst part? Davis and his posse of alderman admit that being secretly recorded while allegedly accepting a $7,000 bribe is in fact "bad". There not even arguing the point. They want you to vote for Smith because he is NOT that most vile of politicians, a Republican. I am going to place a bet: Smith wins by a landslide.

The Duggars: I am not a big fan of most reality television. I can watch a few episodes of Bath Crashers, Room Crashers, Yard Crashers, Survivorman, Man vs. Wild, Wife Swap, Buried Alive, I shouldn't be Alive, The Voice and, wait, what was I saying? Can't remember. But one show I have never watched is 19 and Counting. You know, that deeply Christian family that keeps having kids because 1) the parents won't stop having sex, and 2) they won't use anything to prevent a pregnancy, and 3) they are challenging that family from Monty Python's Meaning of Life for most kids by a set of parents. Why do I bring them up? They are stumping in Illinois for the fore-mentioned Santorum. Really. Yea, that's what Chicagoan's want to hear. We are in massive debt, we can't afford to keep our homes, we are out of work, we still can't carry a handgun on the street in Illinois, businesses are leaving the state, BUT we will all be saved if we elect this truly righteous man to the presidency. Sign me up.

Judges: I admit, I couldn't name one judge running for election in my district if you asked me now. But ask me tomorrow and I will give you a few names. Only because I believe that the mostly overlooked races for judicial seats are more important than any other names on the ballot. Everyone knows who is running for president, most people will recognize the name of their State Rep's, but nobody has a clue who these people in robes are. And that's a shame, because if there is one person running for office that can have a direct impact on someone elses life, it's the guy, or gal, sitting across from you in a courtroom. And nothing can ruin a person's life faster than a bad judge with a vendetta. So join me tonight in doing a little homework. Get to know those names you gloss over on a ballot before you decide. And you really don't have to do much work. There are endless amounts of groups that vet the candidates and rate them so you don't have to. Here is a good place to start: http://www.isba.org/judicialevaluations

One last thing, GO VOTE!! We can't get anything done in this country if you don't vote, and you don't care. We now return to our scheduled nonsense. Next week: how to turn rutabaga into diesel fuel.