The Guitarman's Guide to Voting in Illinois.

Let me start off by saying that The Guitarman is NOT a Democrat. Nor is he a Republican. I am working in the Green Energy field now, but I am not a Green Party supporter. Nor am I adverse to hanging tea-bags from my hat and spewing such nonsensical ramblings like, "I am not a witch." So what does that make me? A moderate? Where is my party then? Who do I vote for? Well I'll tell you, in the first ever Guitarman's Guide to Voting in Illinois. I know what you are saying, ugh. I'll try not to throw stones, but here goes:

Lake County Sheriff No brainer, it's Doug Roberts. Why? I played a fund raiser for his campaign where I found out that Mark Curran was taking down Doug's campaign signs and replacing them with his own. Scumbag.

Treasurer Easy. Judy Baar Topinka. Judy has...wait a moment, she gave up that post to run against Blago. My bad. I guess I will go with Robert Skidmore. Partly because he is an upstanding guy, but mostly because he is running unopposed.

Comptroller Not even sure what the comptroller does, but I'll go with, HEY, there she is! My old favorite, Judy Baar Topinka. Seriously, she is one of two career Illinois politicians that has actually done a good, scandal-free job.

Secretary of State Jesse White. Why? Easy. The state is broke and it would cost too much to change all of those letterheads and DMV signs already with his name on it. Gee, this stuff ain't so hard. And I was worried about this election.

State Senator and State Representative Umm, that's two different offices right? There are so many of these little buggers running around our state that I don't believe one vote is going to change anything, so flip a coin. Really. It doesn't matter. It's just a resume builder anyway. Just ask Obama.

Representative to Congress Joe Walsh. Two reasons: 1. Melissa Bean ran unopposed in the primary yet still felt the need to pepper my mailbox and answering machine with her campaign BS. What a true waste of money. 2. He's an amazing guitar player and song writer. My Maserati does 185... We're talking about THAT Joe Walsh, aren't we?

Treasurer Dan Rutherford. I have absolutely no idea why. None.

Attorney General Lisa Madigan. I know what you're thinking. Madigan? Really? But her dad...I know, I know. He is a piece of dog excriment. But, seriously, she doesn't play favorites, she doesn't take sides, she just ruthlessly goes after the bad guys (Blago) and isn't that what you want your Attorney General to do?

And now comes the conundrum. The two races that will actually make a difference. Senator and Governor. Do I have to pick?

Senator Undecided. No way I can vote for career democrat, mobster loaning, party-line towing, Obama buddying Alexi Giannoulis. Not to mention that he lost $70 million of Illinoisans' money that they had entrusted him to save for their kids college education. And Mark Kirk? Way, way , WAY too far to the right. Again, voting the party line rather than his conscience, but specifically his stance AGAINST stem cell research. Really? The most important medical advance in decades and your reason is religion? Go back to the stone age dude.

Governor Well it ain't gonna be Quinn. Too many democrats have ruined our state, we need some Yin for our Yang. Brady? He was my early favorite, BUT...He is against raising our nearly lowest in the nation state taxes 1%. One flippin' percent to help our state get out of this fiscal crisis isn't gonna hurt anybody. I am willing to fork over my share so our schools can stop laying off teachers and cutting programs. And he is way too smamry for my liking. Wipe that condescending grin off your face already! Cohen? Riiight. And in a year or two, Lisa Madigan will lead State troopers into his hotel room and bust him for doing lines off of a hookers breasts with a rolled up thousand dollar bill. That leaves me with no choice to do what I have never done. Waste my vote on The Green Party candidate, Rich Whitney. I like his character. Shouldn't that be enough?