So whats the big hurry anyway?

So in case you are just waking up and haven't heard the miraculous news, President Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to...I mean, for the amazing work he has done to...hold on a sec. What is it that he has actually done to deserve this great honor? That's right. NOTHING.

Now I am not picking on him because he hasn't accomplished much in his 8 months in office. In fact he has been a busy little beaver, holding beer summits in the Rose Garden, giving billion of dollars to hand picked wall street firms, and flying half way across the world to give yet another rah-rah campaign speech to help Chicago get the 2016 games. No, I am picking on him because this is further evidence that we are putting him on a pedestal before he actually deserves it. Never mind that the deadline for submitting nominations was Feb. 1, a mere 12 days after he was sworn in. Someone must have thought he was doing a heck-uva job already. The reason then for the award? According to the Nobel Peace Prize committee, they "...attached special importance to Obama's vision of and work for a world without nuclear weapons." Basically, they gave it to him for what he has said he would do. In other news:

The PGA has awarded Tiger Woods the 1st place trophy for all the tournaments he plans to enter for the 2010 tour, based on the evidence that other players just don't stand a chance. Quote Phil Mickelson, "We whole heartily agree that this is the right thing to do. He is just too good. The rest of the field and I will now play for second place."

George Lucas has been awarded the first ever pre-emptive Oscar for his next big screen project. "Bar Wars", to begin production in 2011, is the story of two brothers from outer space, who vow to be the first extra-terrestrials to open a bar on the planet earth. But the evil Bud Viser and his legions of Dark Lagers, stands between them and their dream. "I don't really even have a script yet, just an idea I scribbled in a bar napkin one night," says Lucas. Good enough for us, says the Oscar committee.

The Chicago city council has voted unanimously to abandon all future elections for the office of Mayor. "Mayor Daley has proven time and time again that he loves nothing more than the Great city of Chicago, and it would be our honor to see him die in office at the ripe old age of 96."

And finally, the Cleveland Cavaliers have been awarded the 2010 NBA championship. David Stern said, "I love Lebron. And with the addition of Shaq to the team, I just don't see the sense in playing the regular season and risking injury to either player."

I don't know about you, but I think I am going to go the Ted Willaims route and have myself cryogenically frozen for a while. Hopefully when I wake up, Chelsea Clinton won't be President for the sole reason of her last name. Don't laugh, it could happen.