Sign, sign, everywhere a sign.

"Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?"

-Five Man Electrical Band

Never really got into that song so much as some of my older brethren, as I was a mere 7 when the song was released. I was neither a protester nor a rebel-rouser, so the lyrics did not resonate within my soul enough to get me to march naked on the steps of the nations capital in response to the overbearing rules the government was forcing upon us. It does have a killer intro though. But every time I see some ridiculous sign on the road, I do mockingly sing along to the chorus. As was the case in the pristine city of Lake Forest, IL.

LF is unique in the world. At least it likes to think itself is. In my recollection, every since that infamous day back in 1987 when respected Lake Forest resident Laurence Tureaud decided that his property was actually his and he could landscape it the way he wanted, the city decided that it knew what was better for it's citizens than the actual citizens did. Hmmm, not ringing a bell? Perhaps if I mentioned that Mr. Tureaud is more famously known as Mr. T would that shake loose the cobwebs? So LF passed an ordinance that forbid city residents from chopping down trees on their own property without approval from the city. Now I actually thought at the time that was a good thing, saving trees and all. But unfortunately it opened it a Pandoras box that would pave the way for the city to declare war on it's own citizens.

Wow, that's harsh. OK, maybe I have gone a little too far off of the deep end. But growing up next to LF and in turn driving through it's city limits, I have made a few recent observations. And yes, it's all about the signs. And yes, they are everywhere, telling you what you can and can't do if you want the pleasure of passing through this pleasant little burough. So, here are a few of my favorites:

No Parking: Oh sure, seems innocent enough. Most towns have them here and there to prevent a build up of parked cars that might hinder traffic flow. But when you consider that once you go east of McKinley, the main N/S hub that cuts through downtown, you can't park anywhere. Now is it because they want to keep the streets clear of overcrowding? No. They are there for one reason: LF has no parking at the lakefront, and if you are not a resident, they do NOT want you using their pristine shoreline. Go ahead and park anywhere you want west of McKinley, and hike .92 the miles to the beach with all your crap. Sounds so inviting.

No Parking Anywhere between 3am and 5am: It's bad enough we can't go to the beach. But God forbid you go to a party, park on the street, have one to many shots of Petron, lose your clothes, and have to crash naked on your friends couch. (This may or may not have happened at one point in the GM's past) I guess the city would rather have you drive home drunk. Or just maybe they don't want you here at all. Nahhh.

Hand Held Cell Phone Use Prohibited Here I go again. Forget all of the people who eat, put on makeup, read the newspaper, fluff their hair, shave, reach into the back to give Jr. a bag of Goldfish, or whatever crazy antic takes a hand off of the wheel and diverts their attention to something other than diving which includes texting and surfing all of those apps. But alas, it appears that as much as I want to take a flame thrower to all of those signs, it is soon to become Illinois law. I guess they were ahead of the curve on this one. But jeez, I get the hint. At every single point of entry to the town you are greeted with one of these. Every time you turn onto a new road, whoop there it is. Overkill? Nahhh.

Ride Bicycles on the Sidewalk: Or some variation of that on Green Bay Road. But isn't a side-walk just that? For walking? Wouldn't they be called side-rides if they were meant for bikes? What about the "Share the Road" program? Only in your town but not ours? But I'll bet the first time some lunatic on 2 wheels knocks over some nanny pushing her Stokke Crusi Stroller, retailing at $1249.99, heads will roll.

No engine idling. Children are breathing: I had to save this one for last. I actually laughed out loud when I saw this one. This is an actual sign seen on the premises of Lake Forest Country Day School. As if letting your car run in idle while picking up the pups is going to cause them to develop emphysema. As if the lungs of the precious elite that have enough $ to go to the ritzy school are more precious than those who are forced into the public school system. If there is a more ridiculous sign, I want to see it.

With all due apologies to the city council of Lake Forest, sometimes you gotta just blow off a little steam. And if I missed one, please tell me about it. As a matter of fact, I want to hear about the most ridiculous sign you have ever seen. And if it was in Lake Forest, I really want to hear about it.