Cain vs. Abel

What a week I had. No, I wasn't frolicking in the surf of southern Florida. Nor was I schushing down the slopes of Jackson Hole, WY. Likewise in hiking the Rocky Mountains, partying in New Orleans, or buzzing the music scene in Austin, TX. I have done 3 of the 5 in my lifetime, but not this week. This week was a test of moral character. A battle between the part of my brain that wants to cling to ethical values, let's call that part "Abel", and the one that pays the bills in our house that we will call "Cain". I would be proud to say that in the battle of wits, Abel stood triumphantly over the smoldering body of Cain, but for any of you that have heard the story, that's not exactly how it played out. And as it was many millennium ago, Cain wins.

A few months ago, Abel was minding his own business. Trudging along, trying to let his voice be heard in a world full of Cains, he felt lost. Confused. Even belittled at times for being himself. Wondering what his place was in the world. Cain, however, was doing fine. Not thriving, but not dying either. You know, toeing the line. Both were co-existing for the sake of the their long lost cousin, whom we will call Irwin. (No idea where that came from.) Irwin you see, is the part of my brain that controls my sanity. The one that intervenes when diverging paths threaten to upturn the apple cart and let my brains go spilling into a vast crevasse of ethereal nothingness. He usually wins, but he usually has the help of a couple of friends named Mr. Moscado and Mr. Cuervo. Irwin needs to win. He will pull out all of the stops to ensure triumphant victory. Trouble is, Cain has really been fighting back these days.

Abel found out recently that he is under attack. He really has no means to defend himself, so, in times of insurmountable pressure, he turns to Irwin. Irwin, with the help of his friends, convinces Abel to chill, and chill he does. For a couple of days anyway. But Cain plods merrily along, knowing that a battle is brewing. But brewing it was, and came to a head this past week. Irwin was no where to be found, as it was 1:00 in the afternoon and the services of Mr. Moscado and Mr. Cuervo were unavailable. As formidable as a Knight in shining armor may be, without his sword and shield, he is only a paper tiger. There was Abel, alone on the battle field, staring face to face with the un-intending casualty of this war on her own soil. He could have told her to join forces with him in order to vanquish an evil foe. But instead, he chose not to risk her fate with his, and mercifully threw himself in the oncoming path of the thundering train that was bearing down upon them, with Cain at the helm.

Some of you out there have been in this situation. Some of you have had the option of bitch slapping Cain in the face and saying enough is enough. It may be as easy as changing trains at the station for some of you. But for me, if I get off this train, there is not another one. There is no station. Nor is their a cab or a bus or even a flippin' rickshaw to help get to the next one. If I get off this train, I am at the foot of Mount Everest, needing to climb to the top on my own to board the next train. Only there are no Sherpa's around for miles to help me carry my load. So a decision was made. Proud? Not on your life. Pragmatic? It's what I am clinging to. Are you confused? Join the frickin' club.