Mel Reynolds. Remember him? Convicted child pornographer, not to mention a little bank and wire fraud? He of the receiving end of Bill Clinton's amnesty for all farewell tour? Disgraced former US Rep? Am I ringing a bell yet? Well, you will be hearing his name again soon. I guess he want Triple J's congressional seat. Even though JJJ hasn't formally lost it yet. He is like a turkey vulture, circling up high, waiting for the right moment to descend upon the road kill. Hears a bet: he runs for it and wins with over 60% of the vote. That'll be a nice message to our kids. You can go to federal prison for having sex with a 16 year old and stealing money, and still come out smelling like a rose. Where else but Chicago.
And that means what? I had so much fun with license plates last week, I have to go there again. Seen this week on the roads: I LV MLNS. Either this guy has a serious cantaloupe fetish, or he is a horn-dog like the rest of us. CAR. Um, that would a fresh revelation, if you weren't driving a VAN. NUT JOB. You sure you want to be telling the world this little nugget? FZX ROX. He gets an A for creativity, but an F for reality. I took physics. It doesn't rock, it sucks. And everyone knows that Geology Rocks. Buh-doom-chsh. LYN DUH. Are you saying we are stupid for not knowing your name is Lynne? Or is that the worst abbreviation for Linda ever?
Soul-less monsters. What turns once promising humans into soul-less monsters who will do anything to save their own ass? A woman in, duh Chicago, kidnapped a baby from the sister of a friend to use the child to evoke sympathy from a judge to get a lower bond for her boyfriend. When the plan fell apart, she left the baby in an alley, with the temperature hovering at freezing. What the...? You actually were going to throw away the life of human being all so you could get a judge to make you pay less money to get your crack head boyfriend out of jail? Where the hell were your parents growing up? Did you listen? Or were you too busy gang-banging with your felonious friends to learn that a human life is something to be cherished? You know, you just can't teach stupid. Happy ending though, a massive search found the infant, and the mother and baby are doing fine.
Throw the Bum out. Which one? So many politicians getting bad press these days here in the disgraced Land of Lincoln, where do you start? Toss powerful Chicago Alderman Ed Burke's name in the ring. He wants us all to move along when talking about the obvious code of silence among Chicago cops. Remember Anthony Abbate? The 250 pound drunk gorilla that beat up the 100 pound female bartender a while back? A code of silence was recently proven in his civil case, awarding the woman a nice chunk of change for getting nearly killed by a lunatic on the city payroll. And Burke wants us to believe nothing funny was going on in the cover-up. Hmmm, maybe that code of silence goes all the way up the ladder. Maybe Burke's broom swept some dirt under the rug and he wants it to stay there. Naaaah, too far fetched.
Hostess. Can it really be true? No more Twinkies? Or Ho-ho's? Or Zingers? Well in case you weren't one of the thousands of Americans who flew to the grocery store to clean out the shelves of the now shuttered bakery giant, you are like me.
Devoid of one final cake and cream filled pleasure, sending you back to those magical days of your youth when sugar was the main ingredient in everything. Remember your school lunch? How many times did you pull off that cellophane wrapping and jam that little slice of heaven into your mouth in one bite? Open letter to the rest of the world: will someone please step in and resurrect this iconic American company? You don't have to make a profit. You don't have to turn the brand into a world beating bakery megolith. You just need to make me one more ho-ho. Or a zinger. I'm not picky.
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