Sweet Jesus, is this what it has come to?

Every once in a while I read that some scientists have made a recent discovery, or released some sort of study, that could possibly have an impact on our future. And I am usually thinking, "They are smarter than me so I guess they know what they are talking about." After all, they probably paid more for their education at better schools (Idaho State University in 1984 was $1800 a semester, and $1000 of that was a non resident fee...GO Bengals!!), they probably went to school longer (maybe not actually longer per se, as my college career was around 6 years at 4 different schools, but I guarantee that I learned less in more time), and they are, after all, scientists, the bedrock of our dominance over all other nations on Earth. That and our ability to be morbidly obese, which of course, segue's nicely into today's rant (lesson).

Tobacco. Alcohol. 2 of the top 3 reasons it is great to be an American (the third of course being rock and roll). We are free to smoke our life into cancerous oblivion if we so choose. Or to drink away our liver until it is nothing more than a Kleenex. If that is the path you have chosen for yourself, then God bless America. But now we have the "scientists", men of impeccable knowledge, and sometimes wisdom, and they have decreed that a new vice will now join the other two to form a triumvirate of iniquity. The devil has a name, and it is sugar.

Yes, that sweet elixir of life, sugar, according to the wise men, is, and I quote, "...a toxic, addictive substance that should be highly regulated with taxes, laws on where and to whom it can be advertised, and even age-restricted sales, a team of scientists contends." Why? Because we are fat, and we can't help ourselves. Because it is hidden in everything we eat and drink. Because Bugs Bunny once famously asked Pete Puma, "How many lumps do you want?", and Pete's response was, "...oh, three or four." Excess has made us fat. It has made us unhealthy. It has lead to skyrocketing diabetes and increased health costs that help drive up the cost of health insurance for all of us.

So what is the solution? Why, more government oversight of course! Please, Uncle Sam, tell me how to live my life, as I am unable to do so in a manner in which complies with the line you have painted on the sidewalk that I must now walk. 1984 here we come. What would George Orwell do?

This is America. We are free to slowly kill our bodies in the manner of of our own choosing. I like sugar. No, I love sugar. The first thing I ingest every morning is a sweet cup of coffee. I bake with real sugar. I buy things with real sugar. No diet anything ever creeps its way into my holy temple. I admit I am blessed with a high metabolism body that burns sugar and fat like sawdust in an inferno. You can check my ID at the liquor store, you can put pictures on my cigarettes of dying lungs, you can even take away my guns, that is if Illinois would let me have one in the first place. But keep your damn hands off of my sugar.