Ti-aye-aye-ime, is on my side.

Some great songs in rock breach the topic of time, do they not? There's "Time Is On My Side" Rolling Stones, "Time of the Season" Zombies, "Time For Me To Fly" REO (umm, thinking about that one...ok you're in), "Time After Time" Cyndi Lauper (good Lord what was I thinking?... scratch that one), and of course, the ageless "Time" by Pink Floyd. We played that one at open mic last week. Could probably go on and on for all time (tee-hee, I am so witty!), but will stick with my first thought instead.

Lets throw a couple of facts out there and see if you can connect the dots. Fact 1: Trial is set for William Balfour, who is the notorious killer, scratch that, alleged killer of Jennifer Hudson's family in 2008. Fact 2: The City of Chicago recently announced a settlement with protesters of the Iraq war that were arrested in 2003. Fact 3: Trial begins on Monday for Mario Casciaro, accused in the 2002 murder of Brian Carrick of Johnsburg. Not too difficult to see the connection here is it? Just why in the hell does it take so long to do anything in this country?

Even in cases of apparent obviousness, year after year, and in one case here a decade go by, while lawyers strut like peacocks before judges and committees, prancing and pontificating, confusing and cajoling, all in an effort to pad their billable hours, so they can go home and upgrade that BMW to the new one that parks itself. But 10 years to bring a man to trial for murder? What could possibly take 10 freakin' years? How cold is that trail now? How many lawyers bought a new house in that span that was paid for by the parties involved? We found Saddam Hussein, and 3 years later he was hanging by a rope. One of the most notorious killers of our time went from one hole in the ground to another in less than a third of the time it took a bunch of suits to put together enough evidence to bring an accused man to trial in this country.

And those are the key words, "this country." Besides our tortoise-paced justice system, everything in this country takes forever. Our elections seem to span a generation. Raise your hand if you are already sick of the word "Romney". And we haven't even gotten past the primary yet. Medical approval of new drugs is usually measured in decades. How many times do you read of a new drug or treatment that could save lives now, only to be held up forever by the exhaustive process of FDA approval. I'm sure people with fatal illnesses would take their chances at life with something that might work. Even the 55mph speed limit is unique. Really, you don't want to get off on that tangent. And did you ever try and get something done with the federal government? Fugetaboudit. We are doing a project for the US Army right now, and every little step is like an eternity. Or go ask any naturalized citizen how long it took them to become one.

But 9 years to decide that giving money to a bunch of protesters was the right thing to do? Some 1,600 years ago the Greek philosopher Sextus Empiricus wrote: "The mills of the gods grind slowly, but they grind small." That was a long time ago, (again, that irrepressible wit...how do I do it?). Today we say, "The wheels of justice grind slowly." I'd like to amend that to, "The wheels of the United States have fallen off a cliff, and they are forming an exploratory committee to choose between Sears Auto Center or Just Tires to buy new ones." Maybe I missed my calling as a slogan writer.

Waste 101: American politics.

One thing the Guitarman has learned on his little adventure through the wonderful world of pseudo-journalism, is that you don't over-burden your reader(s) with inane ramblings every day and a half. Oh I can inanely ramble with the best of them, like the left turn on arrow only intersections. Don't get me started. Illinois politics? You can't shut me up. And since I spend the better part of my Saturday mornings doing my best to conjure up some brilliant, thought-provoking discussion, the last thing I want to do is post a new blog that is before it's time. But I can't. One word has got me going now: waste.

I don't waste anything. I recycle everything in my house. I don't throw leftovers in the garbage. (I think I still have some turkey leftover from Thanksgiving. I use the "starving kids in Africa" line so often that my brooding young teens now use it on each other.) I scold the wife if she leaves the water running in the sink for more than 5 seconds. I have cans full of nails and screws and little bits of hardware in my garage that might have some future use. I am not a hoarder, but am studying to be one.

So when I heard that President Obama was swooping in to his old stomping grounds to raise a little cash for his re-election, it was expected that a large pile of cash was going back with him. But the numbers staggered me for a moment. $2,000,000 in six hours. He was here for six measly hours, less than a working day for most of us. And he raised $2,000,000. And of course, I thought, what a fucking waste of money.

Our schools are broke, because our state is broke, and in turn we are all broke. Except for the lucky few who consider $38,500 a decent price to pay for a meal with Obama. And where does that money go? Into slick ad campaigns designed to fool us into believing the election year rhetoric that gets shoved down our throats. Into attack ads on the opposition that attempt to scare us into voting one way or the other. To date, instead of running the country, he has been stumping and thumping his way to $220,000,000. One more zero and he is in the billions. That is absolutely obscene, that wealthy donors across the country see fit to throw their money in garbage like that. I could make endless lists on how that money could be better spent, but the list would never end. It is a complete waste of money.

I know I am not alone in my sentiment, but just what is it exactly that we can do about it? A mere 10 years ago during the election for Prime Minister in England, the combined total of all the candidates was in the 10's of millions. Here we have one man that will possibly hit the billion mark. Waste. It's all around us. But when the leader of our great nation is the waster-in-chief, the rest of us will blindly follow.

A little of this, a little of that.

What's your favorite five? Five golden rings? Five Finger Death Punch? Hawaii Five-O? Five and dime? Or the Guitarman's infamous five topics in five minutes?

Chocolate:
Who doesn't love chocolate? I mean, how can you not? It's chocolate for God's sake! If you are one of the unlucky few who are allergic, then I feel for you, I really do. But at my house, it's like an all out war to secure the chocolate before anyone else can. Young brooding teen number two has actually licked a piece and dared me to eat it. I have to admit, I considered it for a moment. But I want to know at what point does possession trump greed? I usually get one of the big bars for Christmas in my stocking, but have yet to actually consume the whole thing, before someone else gets their greedy little paws on it. Hey, you want to go all Augustus Gloop on your bar of chocolate? Be my guest. But I want to savor mine a little.

Cubs vs. Bears:
I really like this whole mentality that I am seeing with the Cubs this year. No illusions that pieces of last years team are going to be valuable pieces of next years team. Theo and co. are tossing out the whole stinking piece of moldy cheese and boldly declaring, "We are rebuilding." Sometimes that's what it takes, starting over from scratch. Unlike the Bears, where decades of futility are not only ignored but rewarded. Ownership sees nothing wrong with giving a lame coach chance after chance after chance. Replace a sacrificial lamb or two, and the more things change, the more they stay the same. Unlike the Cubs, they prefer to slice off the little pieces of mold and put it back in the fridge. But when the biggest piece of stinky, moldy cheese is your head coach, you know it's just a matter of time before it grows back.

Election 2012:
If each candidate was a movie, which one would it be? Michelle Bachman? Gone with the Wind. She blew in like a storm, and went out with the bathwater. Herman Cain? The Caine Mutiny. Once the ship started going down, all the rats jumped ship, with head rat Herman leading the pack,. Newt Gingrich? Clueless. It appears that despite his credentials, he just hasn't a clue on how to run a campaign. Rick Santorum? 10,000 BC. That's where he wants to take us with his priciples, back to the stone age. Ron Paul? Make Love Not War. He is determined to let our enemies across the globe know that we will not be sending our troops over there any more, even if Iran DOES develop a nuclear bomb. Mitt Romney? Mission Impossible. Despite everyone saying for the last 5 years or so that we will never elect a Mormon president, it appears that he actually has a shot. And Barack Obama? Liar Liar, no explanation necessary.

Tolls:
Way back when, in our glorious state of Illinois, a new road was built, a super highway, to help those of us who live in the boonies connect with the metropolis that is Chicago. The deal was, that when we paid for the road with our nickels and pennies, the tolls would go away, and we would be free to zip along with no stop lights at the speed of light. But then a funny thing happened as our leaders (swindling con artists) decided that a flow of money was good for our debt burdened state. And the toll umbrella grew wider and more expensive, growing from chump change to actual folding money. Currently, without an IPass, if you want to cross the border to the north, you now have to dole out a whopping $2.80. You know you can eat a meal for that price at Burger King? And let me tell you this: our cheesehead friends to the north that drive to their jobs to the south aren't putting up with that. They get off the tollway, meander their way through my neighborhood, and get back on the tollway on Grand Ave. in Gurnee. The turn lanes at the intersection before they get back on are clogged every morning and night with cars bearing bumper stickers that say "Green Bay Assistant Coach" and plate holders like "Super Bowl Champs". It's enough to make a Bears fan puke.

Music:
Everyone loves music. Well, most everyone. So in a shameless plug, I invite all fans of music, great and small, to come out to Fatman Bowl in LB/Libertyville/Rondout/Green Oaks on every odd numbered Tuesday for the next great open mic night in Lake County. Come to play or sing, or come to watch. Just get out of the house once in a while and support local music. The Guitarman is waiting for you.

Reflections on a lost season.

New year, new ideals? Time for some retrospection. Give up drinking? Nah, too harsh. Give up swearing? Fuck that. Give up on the Bears? Never!! But I tell you what, let's start off the drive for next year with some observations. Things I can't stand about the Bears.

I can't stand it that every first play from scrimmage to open every game this year was a run up the middle for 2 yards. EVERY PLAY.

I can't stand it that when we taste success with a successful run play, we hand off again on the next play 100% of the time. Ever heard of play action?

I can't stand it that Lovie Smith is our coach. I could go into intricate details on the last game of the year alone, (like no replay challenge that could have resulted in nullifying a turnover, losing your star player on defense to an injury while he played in a meaningless game) but I digress.

I can't stand it that when we have a lead, we play not to lose. Instead of, I don't know, actually playing to win?

I can't stand it that there were no more Will Ferrel movie clips during the Matchups segment of the Bears pre-game show.

I can't stand the Soldier Field Turf. Yes, it WAS responsible for Cutler being lost for the season.

I can't stand Jerry Angelo. The man couldn't judge talent if he were a judge on American Idol.

I can't stand it that we were 7 and freakin' 3 and missed the playoffs. Tell me please, what other NFL franchise would stand for that? We missed the playoffs 4 of last 5 years. Will anyone pay the price for that? Don't coaches usually get fired for that kind of ineptitude?

I can't stand Caleb Hanie. 256. Thats the number of players drafted into the NFL every year. And Hanie wasn't one of them. Exactly what is it that Loveless and Ange-blow don't understand about the fact that an un-drafted free agent should never be one snap away from being your starting quarterback?

I can't stand it that once again as real NFL teams prepare to begin their playoff run, the Bears will be emptying their lockers. I mean, sure, I can root for my second favorite team. They are guaranteed to go all the way to the Super Bowl this year. No not the Packers. I haven't lost my mind just yet. My second favorite team is the one playing against Green Bay. At least I got that going for me.