In the past I have tried to spin a good yarn on my perils with the resident rodent in my back yard, but not today. In reality, this pesky pest won't stay out of my bird feeder. I put out corn for him on a little squirrel feeder, which he and the blue jays devour, but he still manages to get on the bird feeder and spill it all over the grass. I've hung it high, low, on every branch on the tree, and he still climbs, leaps, and flies to the thing at will. I have a giant "anti-squirrel" device on top, which actually makes for good theater. Every once in a while he still tries to climb over it and plummets to the ground as I give out a hearty "HA-HA!" ala Nelson the Bully from the Simpsons. But still, he finds a way. My grandfather had a solution. He had a little bb-gun and would "shoot 'em in the ass" to scare him. He was successful in not harming them, but it never worked. They always came back for more. The acorn tree dumped buckets of acorns in his yard every year and it was like a buffet table to them. I never understood exactly what it was they were doing that made him upset though. They're just squirrels. It's just nature. Probably had something to do with digging in the yard. You don't mess with an old man and his lawn, squirrel or human.
You know I have that thing in my attic. Still shoots. I've though about it from time to time, but I'll never use it on him. I really don't mind him in my tree. He's like my little outdoor pet. He has his own feeder, why doesn't he get the concept of corn = squirrel food, seed in feeder = bird food? I think I might have finally found a spot he can't get to. Hmmm, we'll see. I might have to go all "Carl Spackler" on him. Hide in the bushes with my grandfathers bb-gun, and when he makes his move, I take him out. You think a little C-4 is over the top?
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