Did something dumb? That's just plain stupid.

What is the dumbest thing you ever did? Think hard now. Did it result in a loss of money? Were you embarrassed? Were you injured? Did it kill you? If the answer to the last one is yes, then please tell me how are you reading this and is there a heaven? Is it Iowa? And does God really look like George Burns? But back to being dumb. Oh yes, I am not immune to the charms of doing something really stupid.

There was the time back in my CLC days (that is the College of Lake County for all of you non-northern Illinois burbers, or the College of Last Chance as it is more affectionately known), when I had made friends with a guy I saw in the lunch room all the time. We ate together, played video games together, lent each other quarters, bought each other sodas....yea, we were almost tight. Then the semester ended, and it was time to buy books for the next semester. I was in a long line, and he was way up ahead of me. He waved me over, and in a moment of sheer generosity, offered to buy my books when he got inside, thereby saving me 45 minutes of mind-numbing boredom. I gave him the list of books, gave him a blank check to pay for them, and then never saw him again. Yep, he was a con artist, and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Pretty damn stupid of me.

Oh and then there were some lighter moments, like the time I was mixing a batch of wall patch. Non unlike mixing some cake batter or the like, I was day-dreaming of making a cake as I took the spatula, and promptly licked it, thinking for that one split second it was actually sweet, gooey batter. I think I scrubbed my tongue with an S.O.S. pad.

So go ahead laugh at my misgivings. I deserve it. But some folks don't, when a brain fart takes over, and in the end, pay for it with their lives. Like the article I read years back about the guy working the chipper (you know those massive machines where you throw a tree branch in one end and mulch flies out the other) when the offending branch got stuck, and yes, he decided one swift kick would dislodge it, which it did, taking his foot, leg, torso, and life with it. Absolute true story.

But the most recent case, the one that prompted my whole "Well I may have been temporarily afflicted with the stupid gene, but at least I am not dead," thing, can be attributed to "Being stupid because I got too drunk for my own good." The place, Palmer House Hilton, Chicago. The occasion, their annual Halloween Ball. The incident, a drunk party-goer can't resist sling down this staircase rail.

Who could resist? It's mother of all staircase rails, and yes, I have in my time, slid down a few of them. But some poor woman, in a moment of alcohol induced stupidity, had to let her inner child out, and went for a slide. And died.

Why do I bring it up? Tragic, yes, but the article made my blood boil. You see, I do imbibe from time to time, I am not immune to the charms of nice Pinot Noir, a Summer Shandy, or my good fried Mr. Jose Cuervo. But 2 years later, the still grieving parents of the dead woman feel the need to ease their pain by convincing themselves, and hopefully a judge or jury, that somehow it was the hotels fault. That it was "due to the negligence of the hotel and the companies who hosted the party" claiming that "the hotel and event hosts allowed people at the ball to 'consume unlimited amounts of alcoholic beverages' after they paid for a ticket and failed to provide security to protect the patrons of the ball." Protect them from who, themselves? If these people get one dime from the hotel, it is a miscarriage of justice. Why does someone else have to take the blame for another persons lack of common sense? If you can't control yourself when you are drunk, then, I dunno, maybe don't drink so much?

You can't teach stupid. It's in all of us, waiting to poke it's little head out at the most in-opportune times. I want to grab stupid by the ears, and bitch slap it's punk ass back into the bowels of my brain. I want to relegate it to obscurity, hoping to never see it's ugly face again. But at least I am alive to ward off its' advances in the future, a future that I am pretty sure won't include a wood chipper, or the staircase at the Palmer House in Chicago.

What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.

Sometimes, it boggles the mind. Sometimes you just have to shake your head and say WTF? I am talking about the human spirit, and the way one person can have an effect on so many others. I am not a philosopher, but a mere blogger, whose prose is more in line with The Three Stooges than The Three Wise men. But I have a weapon at my disposal, that those wisest of men from biblical times did not have. It's called the morning paper. Still flung across my driveway every morning at 6am, give or take a day or two. And yes, you guessed it, with personal inspiration fleeting as I clean up from brooding young teens bonfire last night, it's time for 5 in 5.

Seven: Every see that movie with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman? A little dark, a little gross, but highly entertaining, and disturbing. The basic premise is of a sick twisted mind that comes up with seven dead bodies killed in the name of the seven deadly sins. There is one particularly nasty scene where they find a rotting corpse that has wasted away, chained to a bed, filled with bed sores and the like, so sick that you have to say that someone in real life could not be so evil. Except it's not a corpse, the dude's still alive. Enter Joseph S. Duffy, who's wife Mary Jane Duffy weighed only 56 pounds, her body covered with bedsores more than 4 inches wide, her toenails long and dirty, her skin severely bruised, her bones fractured and teeth missing, blind, and in the last stages of dementia. The guy basically put his wife in a bed and left her to die. But she didn't. He apparently did not let her go to a facility because he "would lose money." Guess he forgot the part where he said "in sickness and in health."

No such thing as a free lunch: In Chicago, that bastion of integrity and goodwill, twenty-six Chicago Public School employees are accused of lying on federal school lunch forms, allowing their total of 45 children to receive free or reduced-price lunches at 40 schools across the district. Everyone cheats, right? Handouts everywhere, where's mine? The average CPS teacher isn't exactly getting rich in the system, so a little dipping into the pot here or there won't be missed. Except for one couple — a principal married to an assistant principal — together making more than $230,000, who also are accused of living in the suburbs in violation of the district’s city residency policy while sending their children for free to Chicago Public schools. They make nearly a quarter of a million bucks together. And they have to rip off the cash strapped CPS for $2.25 a day. $2.25? Are you kidding me? You can't even walk out of McDonald's for $2,25. Greed sometimes knows no boundries.

Charity starts at home: In a little reported side story the other day, in the south suburb of Robbins, in the middle of this nasty heat wave, a thief slipped in under the cover of night and stole their libraries AC unit. From on top of the building. With unemployment hitting the town hard, and people unable to pay the tax bill, which in part pays for the libraries existence, they had to turn to NBA star Dwayne Wade for a $25,000 cash donation just to keep the doors open. But more than just the comfort of a little cool air, they also conduct summer kids’ programs, adult literacy and computer programs, and serve as a cooling center for the elderly. But one scumbag in search of crack money put misery back on the front burner. Here's hoping that one human spirit can trump another. Here's hoping someone out there can cough up the $10,000 needed to replace the AC unit, someone who will miss the money like like a dog misses his fleas. Someone, I dunno, like maybe D Rose? After all, you can't let D Wade keep getting the better of you, on and off the court.

Greed 101: I used to work, in an affiliate group, for MF Global. I owned MF Global stock. Bought it really low in the crisis, and was hoping they would return to their former glory as one of the worlds largest holder of futures traded accounts. But then they gambled and lost on their customers accounts, and, well, the rest was history. Some of those former MF employees, the honest, hardworking ones, moved on with PFG Financial, in hopes of a company with integrity would help them move on. But, greed trumped integrity when CEO and firm founder Russell Wasendorf Sr. explained in a suicide note, from his failed attempt to take the cowards easy out of his self-created hell, that yep, his ego would not let him fail. So he stole $100 million. From his own company. As CEO of a multi-million (billion?) dollar company, the scraps you earn ain't putting food on the table? What I wouldn't give to make his salary for one year. And now the company is down in flames, along with the careers of those who have now had to withstand two separate scandals. How's that going to look on their resumes?

Bad mood: I can't let this opportunity of headline resuscitation pass me by without chiming in on Jesse Jackson Jr. He's been AWOL lately from congress, and until recently has been very coy with the media on why is is in a treatment facility outside Illinois. But we can all rest now, he has finally disclosed that he has, drum roll please....a mood disorder. Is that what you call it when you are known adulterer, you have your top fundraiser fly your illicit squeeze here with campaign funds for a quick little tryst, the very same top fundraiser sings to the feds and is now in prison for an, ahem, unrelated offense, and you're being investigated by the feds for trying to buy your way into the senate with Barack Obamas vacant seat? Is that what you call it? I rather call it what it is. A chicken shit escape from your family and responsibilities as you ponder the next 10 years of your life in prison.

Did you catch my subtle hint at today's common theme? If you haven't, it's because my Three Stooges writing style hasn't grabbed you hard enough where it hurts. It's greed. From the guy who let his wife waste away, to the CPS couple, to the A-hole who stole the AC unit, to Russell Wasendorf and Jesse Jackson, they all were greedy SOB's who didn't give a damn about who they hurt in the process. Ahh the human spirit. The good ones are out there, but unfortunately it's the bad ones who get all of the press.

An open letter Chicago's sports GM's.

Every Chicago sports fan from downstate to Zion has an opinion on how to run the Bears, Bulls, Cubs, Sox, and Blackhawks. Only one problem: they ain't getting paid to do it. It is up to the likes of Theo and Gar and Phil and Kenny and Stan to pull off collective miracles and reach the unreachable. To dream the impossible dream. To lasso the moon and pull it down to Chicago, where we will all wrap our arms around them and kiss their feet for bringing the Holy Grail to Chicago. Every man that has ever graced the office of GM for their team has always said they have one goal in mind. To sell tickets and make money bring home a championship. As a matter of fact, or fiction, the phrase "easier said than done" was actually coined as a euphemism for doing just that. So here's hoping that somehow the powers that be somehow find their way to my little corner of heaven, 'cuz I have the answers to make it all happen.

Dear Theo,
Don't do it. I know right now the urge is to sell all of the horses while the ponies are still learning the ropes. I have to admit, I am slightly swayed by the current winning "streak". Does winning 7 of 9 make a streak? But c'mon. Ryan Dempster is at the peak of his career. He and Roberto Garza are 2 proven quality veterans would could anchor the rotation for the next 3-5 years, not to mention mentoring young developing talent on the way. What are you gonna trade them for, prospects? We are loaded with prospects. And guess what? Don't look now, but the Cubs might actually be good next year. Good being a relative term of course compared to the first half of this season. But good pitching wins championships, and I never did get the mentality that you trade away all of your vets for prospects in rebuilding mode. So please, give us something to rally around for the near future.

Dear Gar-
Tough year I know. Even tougher than the loss of DRose and Noah to season ending injuries was watching King James finally buy his championship. The product on the floor the last couple of years has been great, but not great enough. In the real world, that could have been enough to go all the way, but DWade, the King, and Bosh have basically showed us that we don't live in the real world. Cry-babys will take their talents to South Beach, or any other franchise that lures them with enough talent and cash to go all the way. So what to do, what to do... Its as easy as 1, 2, 3. 1. Say goodbye to Boozer. Plays too soft for his position, plus we will have the added bonus of not having to hear the "HEY!" every time he is under the basket and misses or gets fouled. 2. Hate to do this, but move Taj into starting line-up and trade Luol Deng and some draft picks to the Magic for Howard. There ain't a team in the league, Heat included, that could touch us with a 10' pole. 3. Sign everybody else out there. It's the NBA way. Put 2 superstars on your team, and the rest of the vets in the league will line up at your door for a chance to play with them.

Dear Kenny-
Go do what you like because I don't give a crap about the Sox.

Dear Stan-
The aura of the Championship is long gone, and you have some great core players, regardless of how many shirtless, drunken, party photos appear on Facebook. But the NHL is one unique animal in sports. It seems the only way to win is to get the best team money can buy, future be damned. Look at the Wild. They just signed two of the top free agents out there and probably aren't done. I will totally admit as fan loyalty goes, you are number 4 on my Chicago big 5 list. I don't live and breath hockey like I do Bears and Bulls, but there is one thing I do know. You have to break the bank and overspend, because if you play by the rules, you will never get anywhere. I still say to this day, that if we had somehow found a way to keep Byfuglien after the Stanley Cup, the next 2 seasons would have had a much more fortuitous outcome. Spend the money.

Dear Phil-
Nice job this off-season. Signed some key players that should make an immediate impact, and the sqaure-peg-in-a-round-hole mentality of Matrz is being replaced by the shove-it-down-their-throat style of Tice. BUT. And this is one big but, it ain't enough. Your hall of fame middle linebacker is on his last legs. Believe it or not, he is the difference every opposing team worries about. Unless you have some rabbit in your hat to replace him, you should bet the farm on this year. Fill every question mark with the best money can buy. Sign Forte already. Cutler is "re-united and it feels so good" with his old friends. We are poised and ready to strike. So get some Cobras with some toxic venom in their veins and take the NFL by storm. Don't wait 'til next year because there is no such thing.

Ahh, it all sounds so simple don't it? Maybe I missed my calling in life. I coulda been somebody, I coulda been a contenda. But I'm not, I'm just a bum. With a blog. And a bunch of opinions.