My religion is better than yours.

Went to the annual Christmas Eve service at the good ole' Lake Bluff Methodist Church yesterday. Yes, I know being a good Christian means that I should go more than once a year, but me and God, we got us an understanding. I understand He wants me to go more often, and He understands that I have certain doubts. Like the whole "God created the world in 7 days" nonsense. Look, I was a Geology major. I know it took a little longer than that. And that He created man a few thousand years ago. Like I said, it was a little further back than that. No ribs were ripped from chests like a hunk of Play-Doh to magically create a woman. The whole evolution thing can't be brushed away. But the doubts I have lately are more in line with why in the name of Holy Christ does half of the world try and slaughter the other half in the name of religion?

In the paper recently:

1. An 18 year old Christian woman from Pakistan was killed by her attempted rapist because she refused to be raped by him. Had she accepted her attackers advances, she would have been imprisoned and forced to marry her attacker if she wanted out of prison. It is presumed she was killed so the man wouldn't have to marry a Muslim convert, which is what she would have also been forced to do. So to avoid shame, he killed her.

2. 68 killed, and hundreds of Shiite Muslims wounded in Iraq in a series of coordinated bombings. Most probably by angry Sunni Muslims because, well, they are of "different" religions. Oh, and not to mention they are pissed that they are no longer in power there.

3. Boko Haram, (no, NOT Procol Harum, the 60's band of Whiter Shade of Pale fame) a radical Muslim sect in Egypt, killed 39 Christians yesterday, most on the steps of their church as they left Christmas worship services. That they chose our holiest day of the year is no surprise either.

Why? Who the hell knows. God? I'm sure he has some reasonable explanation. Here's mine: they are brainwashed, and they are afraid. From a young age, they are indoctrinated into the lifestyle by their brainwashed scared parents, who in turn, were previously brainwashed by theirs. And so on, and so on... Why do others hate because we choose to call The Almighty by a different name? Better yet, how can they hate? All religions are peaceful. It is the followers who twist the words of their respective scriptures to fit their own self-deluded visions. And I can't look God in the eye and turn the other cheek. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

Craiglist? Should be called Scamlist.

Ever heard of Craigslist? I don't know who this Craig guy is, but wow did he develop a whopper of a site. You can buy or sell or barter or borrow anything, or anybody for that matter. Got some crap taking up space in the basement that you can't bare to throw away? Put it on the FREE page and it will be gone in an hour. I have joined bands and found musicians from searching the site. I have had numerous transactions that went swimmingly, and a few that didn't. Which brings me to today's lesson kiddies: if it seems too good to be true on the internet, it probably is. Without a shred of editing, here is an exact email stream from The Guitarman and "Candice", a "woman" in Canada that wanted to "buy" my son's IPOD. Absolute true story, and it was run in the Chicago Sun Times in the column "The Fixer" on December 16th:

Candace: Am interested and hope you`ll be able to send it to Canada?,will pay shipping.Let me know please...thanks

GM: The only way I would consider that is with a cashiers check that would have to clear first before I sent item in mail. Or maybe paypal?

Candace: Ok i`ll prefer a 3-5 days delivery option through USPS, what will the cost be ??...do you have a PayPal account to send me an invoice?. This is my address for you to calculate shipping:

7615 140th street, Surrey, BC V3W 5J9

GM: Candice, sorry for delay, been so busy at work, get home, cook dinner, yada, yada, yada…Sending an invoice from paypal now.

Candace: Sorry i took a lil bit long...was at work my shift time and just got home now...i have made the deposit to your paypal so send me an email when you have shipped.

At this point, I had received an official looking email from PayPal, checked my account with CList, didn't see the money, and fraud department confirmed this was a scam. So it was time to have a little fun with this person.

GM: Great! I got the email saying you have sent the payment and am ready to put the item in the mail. However when I log in to paypal I don’t see a balance that reflects your deposit. Can you check on your end to make sure you did it correctly? I am anxious to sell the item for some holiday cash.

Candace: Payment have gone through here and my account have been charged with the amount i sent to you...so paypal should send you a confirmation email with instruction i guess cuz last time i shipped to someone too was the same. Send me an email when you can.

GM: Hi there. Bad news, my next door neighbors Fred and Wilma Flintstone offered me $250 for the item for their daughter Pebbles (she is going to school to be a Geologist!). I am tempted to take offer but would be willing to still send item to you (since I bought postage already). However, if you would be willing to beat their offer, say $275 (plus $28.33 for shipping), I could stick it in the mail today.

Candace: ok so how much am i going to add more now??let me know..i still want it..thanks

GM: Candice, are you still interested? I am ready to ship item and have paid for postage. Please deposit 303.33 into paypal and I will sent right away.

Candace: I have made the deposit to your account so get back to me on shipping.

GM: Hi there. More bad news. I got into an accident on the way to the post office, a mail truck hit me on the way in. But not to worry, it’s only a few broken bones. The doctors here at General Hospital, Dr.Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, are treating me well. I have a great lawyer, Perry Mason, who is going to help me out. Anyway, my sister, who is in a wheelchair, is coming over to get the ipod, and will rush it over to you first thing. Bless her little heart. Thanks for sticking with me on all this and enjoy the ipod.

Please let me know when you receive the item.

Candace: Am so sorry about your accident..so when is your sister shipping it?when am i gonna get the tracking for it..??let me know please i will wait to read from you.

GM: Wow, you do NOT want to be in the hospital with a ruptured spleen. Bad stuff. We have good news for you. My sister was able to ship item and should arrive in 3-5 days. But she had trouble getting up the steps to the post office, can you believe there was no ramp for handicapped people? Anyway, enjoy the ipod, your tracking number is 7.

Candace: you are playing with me....i know you wanna get away with my money on paypal.

GM: Who’s playing with who loser? There is no money in my paypal account, there never was. The confirmation email you sent me I forwarded to their fraud department and they confirmed it was not from them and a scam. So yes, I am playing with you. Do you think I am stupid or something? On the contrary, you are the one who is stupid. Wish I could see your face right now. So go fuck off.

Yes, there were a couple of obvious clues, like the person willing to spend the same amount a new one cost for my used one, and their broken English. But in the end, a little common sense and due diligence goes a long way.

I really wanted to be there but...

So as you can probably surmise without a whole lot of thought, don't want to strain your brain, The Guitarman is in fact, a guitar player. He really likes being in front of people and entertaining them. He has come to realize, however, that he actually enjoys singing probably even more. Nothing stirs the cockles of his heart more than the fleeting praise of a slightly imbibed bar patron putting his/her arm around his shoulders and saying something like, "Dude." He would be lying if he told you that he doesn't take that to heart. And he really enjoys talking in the third person. If pro athletes can get away with it, dag-nam-it, so can he! But, alas, he has come to realize that maybe his time has come and gone.

It used to be, back in the good old days before facebook, and twitter, and myspace, and blogs, and chatrooms, and every other electronic means of substituting actual human interaction with www communication, people actually did what they said. It was hard, to look someone in the eye, and say "X", and then go out and do "Y". Even if you got that RSVP in the mail, if you replied yes, that meant you were actually going. The inviter had taken the time to buy the card, personally address you with calligraphy, spend the money on a stamp, and make the physical effort of trudging through blizzards and hurricanes to get it in the US mail. But in this world of instant communication, it is just way too easy to make an e-response, informing the sender of your good intentions, and then blow them off by hiding behind the veil of your computer screen.

Now I understand the whole "middle age" thing. I am right there with you. We have kids. We have responsibilities. We fall asleep a lot sooner than we used to. I get it. We aren't 20 anymore, and our bodies are telling us. I get it. But what I don't get, is the feeling that just because your invitation wasn't printed on $5 stationary and hand delivered to you, it's ok to tell someone you are going to do something and then not do it. You don't have to look the person in the eye and say, "I ran out of gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to god!"

So if responding to a request on line by saying "yes" when you actually mean "I am a solid maybe, but I reserve the right to put on my snuggie and watch movies on Lifetime instead", is it so horrendous to actually say, "To be honest, I have seen your band a few times and it was fun, but I just don't have the energy to stay out until 1am anymore. Break a leg." That would indeed be refreshing.

They can deny it, buy I won't buy it.

What do Hermain "I Did Not Have Relations With That...Woman" Cain, Jesse "Keep Throwing More Money At Him" Jackson Jr, Rod "Effin' Golden" Blagojevich, and Jerry "Eewww!" Sandusky have in common? Aside from all having really weird middle names, not much. 3 are politicians, or at least were. 3 were in the news for inappropriate sexual encounters. 2 are black, two are white. But all four? They are all in the same fraternity. No, no, not Phi Sigma Krappa or the like. I'm talking about the fraternity of Deny Everything Because Either I Truly Believe My Innocence Or I Truly Believe The Rest Of The World Will Believe My Bullshit. Not sure if there are any Greek letters that can capture the true meaning of that.

In real estate, it's location, location, location. In politics and the public eye, it's deny, deny, deny. Are these guys really buying what they say? In the case of Cain and Jesse, no, they did it. Cain slept around. And around. Sure you were only friends with that...woman, and paid her rent for 13 years. Sure you didn't know any of the other woman who came out of the woodwork to say what a creep you are. But do you blame him? He had a good role model. Clinton wrote the book on deniability. And Jesse? He's so going down for trying to buy that senate seat. Unless the voters are stupid enough to re-elect him for his name only. Won't matter, the feds have him in their sites.

Now the book is still out on Blago, is he really a crook, or just a dufus? I want to believe a little of both. He honestly believes he did nothing wrong, in a sense that the "right" way was to follow the playbook of all before him who succumbed to the corruption that infects Illinois. But really, come on, only a fool would believe his bullshit.

Which leaves us with Sandusky. He most probably is a very sick man. Sick to commit unspeakable horrors to children, sick to believe in his own innocence, sick to believe he can convince the rest of us that he is innocent himself. But in this age of instant communication, where every word or action by a public figure is instantly available for the world to witness, and out there for eternity as well, you better cover your ass by denying it.

But that's where it got me. Just how dumb do they think the rest of us are? It comes down to one motive: do anything possible to save your own ass. Every time I see one of these lying dogs on TV or in the paper, I want to vomit. And it brings to mind one of the final scenes in Fargo. You know, when the car salesman is caught in that motel room, and he is wailing like a baby because his once proud life is now in shambles, and he knows he will spend the rest of his life in a cell. That's why I smile a little and give a "HA-ha" laugh like Nelson in the Simpsons when I see the denials, because in the end, they will get what is coming to them. Kicking and screaming, be it before a judge, their wife, or their maker, they will pay.